Another post from the drafts folder! I wrote this on May 3, the week that I went into labor. I'm slowly rejoining the outside world and will maybe, hopefully start posting more regularly again.
I'm 38 weeks pregnant, which, for me, feels about equivalent to mile 22 of the marathon. It's kind of a turning point -- I was feeling pretty good up until now, cruising along patiently, but now I'm scanning the horizon for that finish line. I'm so close, but still so far: Our baby could be born any day now, OR not for nearly a full month.
And also like mile 22 of the marathon, I'm daydreaming about all the things I'll do (and beers I'll drink!) when it's over.
How I know I'm nearly at the end:
Our midwifery practice doesn't do cervical checks or anything like that until 40 weeks or so, but the world is telling me it's almost time. I've reached the point where total strangers come up to me and say "Wow, soon, huh?" and colleagues ask, "Have you had that baby yet?"
I don't mind this at all. Yup! I say. Nope! This baby (as fetus) has come with me to three weddings and I've danced furiously at each one, including the one we went to just on Saturday, where there were many jokes about who would be responsible for delivering if I went into labor right there. We've traveled on planes and trains and subways, we've camped, hiked, and wherever I go I imagine what it would be like to bring my child with me some day, the things I want to show him about the world.
We've had three lovely showers -- one hosted by James's family in Pennsylvania for both of us, another by my work, and a blessingway.
I go see the midwives every week and they listen to his heartbeat and tell us everything looks good. I'm okay to wait a while longer -- I'd like to get quieter and more centered with myself before I do this hard thing I'm more than a little nervous about.
I am cautiously hoping/planning for a "natural" birth, but I am actually pretty agnostic about most interventions. I can envision several scenarios in which I'd gladly take an epidural; I'm hoping to stay open, positive, and flexible regardless of what happens.
Exercise during pregnancy
I ran until week 15 or so, then called it quits. It retrospect, I wish I had stuck it out a little longer because I'm aching to run again...but at the time it felt uncomfortable and awkward. I like to feel fast and strong when I run -- not out-of-balance and lumbering. Maybe I would have gotten used to it had I stuck with it, but I just wasn't having fun with it so I stopped. After that, I started taking a prenatal yoga class on Sundays and doing the occasional YouTube yoga at home, albeit irregularly. I also walk about a mile a day as part of my work commute, and try to get in at least one "long walk" weekly. Honestly, I haven't enjoyed pregnant exercise much. I'd much rather spend my evenings and weekends doing nearly anything else. Even though I'm grateful that I've been healthy and not as miserable as a lot of pregnant women I know, I miss my old body and I feel irritated by how difficult and uncomfortable even supposedly "easy" and "relaxing" forms of exercise feel. Also, the pain. I didn't know how painful pregnancy is, and how hard it is to get a good night of sleep.
Bitten by the training bug
Around the six-month mark, the weather started to improve and I really, really wanted to register for a race. Specifically, I was looking at a half marathon in the fall. James and I do a lot of running/racing together, and we had a facepalm moment when we realized we had to think about who would watch the baby if both of us were running the same race.
That realization gave me whiplash -- I realized (again) how little I know about what the next few months of my life will be like. While I'm still hoping to get back to running relatively quickly and possibly do some racing in the fall, I don't want to commit to anything until after the baby is born (hopefully safe and healthy), because I really have no idea how labor, birth, recovery, breastfeeding, adjusting to life, returning to work, etc. will go, I think the safer thing to do is to wait and see. But man, I am super jealous of everyone I see running in the mornings before I go to work. It will be so freeing to move like again that after nine months of pregnancy.